


Games and Illusions (Completed)

by write_and_wander



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 6 chapters, Completed, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Reader Insert, Second Person, y/n
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:29:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28430181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/write_and_wander/pseuds/write_and_wander
Summary: Everything started out like any normal day in New York City; until the attack happened.  Not only do you end up running into the Earth's Mightiest Heroes themselves, but you also find out you seem to have some kind of ability of your own.  Just as you start to get settled into life with the Avengers (living in the tower as the classics would have it), you meet someone... not so friendly; oh, and now you're stuck with them.
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Reader, Loki/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was originally posted on my Tumblr, @write-and-wander. Feel free to check it out for additional works, quite old and very new, by me!

This would be a day to remember. You knew that as soon as the police officers started yelling. “Get out! Clear the area immediately!” They would yell, in the street, from their cars, and in every building all around you. You looked up to see the people running out of the café, and a police officer looking at you. You pulled out one of your earbuds. “Get outta here! Follow the crowd!” He shouted. You nodded and grabbed your book and your cup, quickly walking toward the door. All around you, people were screaming, running, police officers looked terrified, smoke billowed through the air, and rubble was scattered about. Something was definitely happening- and it wasn’t good.

You followed the crowds to the outskirts of the city. As soon as you cleared the radius that the police wanted empty, you finally looked up to see the gaping hole in the sky. Something was spilling out, and you could see bullets, lightning, and debris flying all through the air. You stared at the sky in awe as people ran past you to get as far away as they could. Which, in retrospect, was smart. However, you wanted to know what was flying from the sky- and your question would be answered sooner than you would’ve liked. When you saw something large flying right into your direction, you ran. You looked behind you to see a tall man in green and gold stand up and brush himself off. As soon as his eyes met yours, you stopped looking back, snapping your head forward, and you simply kept running.

Riiight back into the battle. You didn’t notice it at first- running right into an empty building. However, as you heard the commotion grow louder, you knew it was coming toward you. You ran out another door and into a new building, but that only brought you further into the action. There was no crowd to follow, and you had no idea where to run. You turned around to look through the window of the new empty building you were in when-

“Get out of there!” You heard a voice yell. You looked to your right and upward to see some sort of alien vehicle coming right for you. You curled up on the ground and put your hands in front of your face as a brace. You squeezed your eyes shut, waiting for impact, but an insanely bright flash came instead. No impact. You slowly opened your eyes, and your vision was still a little hazy from the burning flash, but as it began to clear, you saw that whatever had tried to come for you had been obliterated.

“What the hell was that?” The same voice called out. “Was that you?” You looked behind you to see Captain America himself walking towards you. “How did you… Are you alright?” You looked at him, blank, at a loss for words. What just happened? “You should get out of here.” You continued to look at him, but a single sound had yet to leave your mouth. “Can you hear me? You need to go.” You nodded, and tried to get back up, but you suddenly felt exhausted. Your arms were trembling, and you just barely made it to your knees when the room started to spin. “Ma’am, you need to go.” You looked back up at the red, white, and blue Captain. “Hey, are-are you alright?” Your eyes rolled back, and you fell to the side, completely limp. Everything started to fade. “Hey! We need a medic over here!”

Black.

“You’re sure she won’t be hostile?”

“Even if she’s feisty, she’s still pretty drugged up. Worst comes to worst, we have what we need to put her back to sleep, quick and painless.”

You opened your eyes slowly to see four familiar but strange men in a large white room. You furrowed your brows as your heart started to race and fear and confusion began to settle in. “Where… where am I? Who are you? What happened?” You slurred, trying to sit up.

“Hey, hey, hey, let’s not do that,” one of them said, gently pushing you back down. “I’m Phil Coulson, this is Bruce Banner, Steve Rogers, and Thor Odinson,” he explained, gesturing to each of the men respectively. God, you were so confused.

“She awak- oh, hey there she is!” Another man said, walking into the room.

“And that’s Tony Stark,” Phil said, looking slightly exasperated. Okay, confusion was an understatement. You nodded slowly, eyes wide and mouth agape.

“Aw, look at her. She’s stunned to see me-“ Tony added.

“Tony, now is not the time to be arrogant,” Thor interrupted. 

“Lighten up, point-break, I’m just trying to lighten to mood. Everyone looks so stern,” Tony replied.

“I think a lighter mood is the last thing she needs-“ Steve said before you interrupted.

“What I need is someone who can tell me what the hell happened and why I’m here,” you said, trying to sit up again.

“Please don’t do that, you’ll pass out again,” Bruce said. He sighed. “You’re here for your safety. You’re… (Y/N) (Y/L/N), right?” You slowly nodded, concerned as to how he already knows your name. “Are you aware of your heavily mutated DNA?” He asked. You furrowed your brows again and slowly shook your head.

“What does that even mean?” You asked.

“Well, we aren’t sure yet, but you’re definitely not… uh…” Bruce stammered, looking for the best way to put it, “…normal.” He cringed at the terrible word choice. You opened your mouth to ask again, but Bruce explained before you could speak. “You seem to be able to hold a lot of energy. It’s like you absorb it. Your cells regenerate quickly and your metabolism is over double what it should be,” he said, “Honestly, it’s a medical marvel,” he added, scanning over the papers on his clipboard. “If my tests are correct, you could live for thousands of years, even with whatever powers you might have.”

“Wait, wait, wait- Tests!? You’ve been doing tests on me!?” You yelled, sitting up this time. However, as soon as the room started to spin, you laid back down.

“It was nothing invasive! We just took a blood sample and I’ve been running some scans on you while you were out. It was just to find out who you were and how dangerous you might be. Nothing unnecessary. I promise,” he explained quickly, his hands up in defense.

“That’s still illegal, it’s gotta be,” you replied, and you decided to prop yourself up on your elbows rather than fully sit up.

“Ma’am, we’re with the Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division. We were given clearance to run those tests-“ Phil began.

“I’m sorry, what?” You interrupted again.

“to make sure you weren’t a danger to the public and see if you could be eligible for our Avengers Initiative,” he finished. Your jaw dropped… did he just? Ask you? What you thought he just asked you?

“Wait, Coulson, you’re kidding, right? She doesn’t even know she has powers-“ Tony protested.

“Tony, if she relearns how to control them, she’d be a great addition to the team,” Steve said.

“Uh… powers?” You asked.

“Before you blacked out, did you see a bright flash of light?” Bruce asked. You nodded. “That was because you caused it. Turns out, you absorb light energy, like a solar panel. You store it, and then you can manipulate it or concentrate it as a weapon, or other things I’m sure. You did both, caused that bright flash of light, and instinctively saved your own life,” he explained.

“I’m sorry, but I would know if I had super powers.”

“Well, it doesn’t seem you do. In fact, we managed to find your file, and as it turns out, you stayed in Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters for a while. You’re a mutant, miss (Y/L/N), and you learned how to control your powers years ago. Somehow you managed to suppress all of it, but you were born well over a hundred years ago.” He paused for a moment, allowing you to process everything. “We have someone who can help you regain those memories, if you’d like.” You looked up at him, slowly sitting up. This time, he didn’t protest to it. You felt a little dizzy, but you managed to stay up.

“Then, what, I become an Avenger?”

“Under my supervision, yes, that’s the goal,” Steve said. You looked down, thinking.

“How do I know I can even trust you guys?” You asked, looking at everyone.

“I don’t suppose you can… The offer is out there. Whether or not you take it is up to you,” Phil said. You bit your lip, lost in thought. 100 years of your life you didn’t even know about- parts of yourself you covered up.

“I guess it’s worth a shot,” You said.

“Come with me, Lady (Y/N),” Thor said with a smile, “slowly. You are still weak,” he added. You nodded and slowly moved to stand. You legs began to shake, but before you could collapse, Thor caught you. Wrapping an arm around you, he began to walk you out of the room and down the hall.

“So, where are we going? Another lab?” You asked as the two of you made your way down the hall, Steve following close behind. Thor chuckled.

“No, my lady. We are headed to see my brother, Loki. He has agreed to help restore your memory.”

“How will he do that?”

“To be quite honest, I’m not sure. He has the power, somehow, of tapping into memories. Banner believes that your memories aren’t erased, but suppressed. Hopefully Loki can give you a refresher.” You nodded, still trying to process everything that had happened.

“Thor?”

“Yes?”

“How long was I unconscious?”

“About three weeks, I believe,” he said as he opened the door to a large room with a glass cage in the center. Your heart stopped… for two reasons. Three weeks? People ought to have been worried about you. How were you already walking if you’d been comatose for so long? Second of all, there was a man in the glass. He wore green and gold, and when his eyes met yours, you felt nothing but fear. This was the man you had seen in battle. Your eyes widened in disbelief.

“Hello, brother,” Loki said with a soft glare. His eyes wandered over to you and a faint smirk appeared on his face. “Oh hello again. We’ve met before, haven’t we?” You swallowed hard, looking at the ground. You heard Loki laugh and felt Thor tense.

“Loki, do not toy with the girl. Are you going to help her or not? We don’t have time for your games,” Thor said, obviously frustrated. Loki rolled his eyes.

“You’re no fun, brother,” Loki said. He got up and walked toward you, pressing his hand to the glass. He watched you, waiting for something. “Well, do you want your memories back or not?” Thor helped you up and over to the glass.

“Press your hand to his,” Thor said. You nodded, slowly lifting your hand until it was level with Loki’s and pressing it to the glass. Within an instant, your eyes rolled back again. 

Everything came flooding back.

Your real parents didn’t want a “freak.” They gave you up. Xavier found you and took you into his school, raising you, teaching you how to control your powers. You trained with Logan Howlett, since you both could heal quickly, and had made a home for yourself. You even fought beside the X-Men, they called you “Illusia.” However, after one of your best friends died in a fight, you wanted nothing more than to leave the life of the X-Men. You couldn’t bare the loss of someone you cared about- not when you felt responsible for it. You asked another mutant to cover your memories with that of a different life and moved away. Life went on. And that was that. But your powers didn’t go away. They couldn’t. They were a part of you. You couldn’t run from who you really were.

You woke up with a jolt and a gasp, Thor holding you upright.

“Loki!? What did you do to her?” He asked, clearly worried.

“I did exactly as you asked me to do, brother,” Loki said calmly. “She’s alright, just give her a moment. She has a lot to remember; some heavy stuff, if you asked me.”

“Brother,” Thor warned with a glare. Loki put his hands up and backed away from the glass with a shrug, sitting down again near the back of the glass cell. Thor picked you up and carried you out of the room, setting you down in the hall outside. “Are you alright, (Y/N)?”

“I… I think so? I don’t… know,” you mumbled. “I need to just… process… everything… okay?”

“Yes, of course. Is there anything you’d like me to do?”

“Just… leave me alone for a moment.”

“As you wish,” Thor got up as he spoke and walked back to the room you woke up in just a few minutes earlier. “I will be waiting in here when you are ready.”

“Thank you, Thor.”

“You’re welcome,” he replied with a smile. And with that, he went back into the room, Steve followed him in, and you were left to your own thoughts. The entire life you thought you knew had all been fabricated. It was all a lie. How could you compute this all so fast?

“It’s a lot to take in, isn’t it?” Loki asked. You jumped at the sound of his voice, backing away from him.

“You-you got out? How did you-“

“Sadly, no, this is only an illusion. I’m still within the walls of that glass prison,” Loki said walking up to you. He put his hand up to the wall and pushed it through. You sighed, watching the holographic hand phase through the cold metal wall. You would’ve been completely calm, but your old instincts were kicking in again. You mind started to reel. 

This was a villain. One who had just tried to kill many, many people. You may have seemed safe, but that doesn’t mean your free from any sort of danger. What could he possibly have in mind?

“What do you want?” You asked, your tone cold.

“I can’t be sympathetic?” He asked in an almost innocent tone, tilting his head to the side with a slight pout.

“Go, Loki,” you said sternly, slowly standing up. 

“Where are you off to?” He asked, refusing to move. A small smirk began to crawl into his features again.

“Training,” You replied as you walked back into the room Thor was waiting in. You waited for the door to close before speaking. “Alright,” you announced, acknowledging the four men in the room, “I’m ready.”

You, (Y/N) (Y/L/N), Illusia, were going to be an Avenger.

However, what you didn’t catch as you walked away was the small smile that grew on Loki’s lips. When you left the hall, his illusion disappeared, and he laughed to himself in his cell. Today was a day he would remember. He was intrigued by you, and he felt a hint of excitement as to what the future may hold. It was going to be interesting; but fun, nonetheless.


	2. Chapter 2

It was peaceful, for once. You sat in the lounge on the main floor, reading your book by the window. The sun was setting, and it felt good to finally just rest. It had been a few years since the day you decided to be an Avenger. It was hard work. Relearning how to control your powers and figuring out exactly what you were capable of was a lot more difficult than you thought it’d be. Luckily, you had been able to help here and there. In fact, the team even brought you down to Sokovia. After that, they officially brought you in as an official Avenger. But, that only meant your training would become even more strict. Steve was good at bringing you as close to your breaking point as he could without actually breaking you- and it was exhausting. For months you had that kind of rigorous training almost daily. Today, however, you had off, so you spent it lounging around.

As of right now, you were reading (Y/F/B) (again). Every now and then, you would look up from your book to watch the sky change colors as the sun descended below the horizon. This time, when you looked up, though, you could’ve sworn you saw something in the reflection of the window. You jump and turn around to catch a flash of green. It didn’t take long to figure out who it was. Loki.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, closing your book and practically slamming it on the coffee table beside you. Another green flash, and there he was. ‘Huh, he got a wardrobe change,’ you thought. His classic armor was traded out for something a bit more simple, and his hair had grown longer since you last saw him. He at least looked healthier, more put together- but you were still concerned as to why he was here. Last you saw him, he was bound up like a dog and sent back to Asgard. He gave you a cocky grin and his low chuckle, making your blood boil.

“I was brought back quite a few days ago,” He replied, clasping his hands behind his back. You scoffed.

“I would know if you came back here,” you said, standing up to face him. He feigned a pout.

“Oh, they didn’t tell you that they were bringing me in? I’ve been here for days, dear. You simply haven’t seen me,” he said nonchalantly. You glared.

“What do you want?” You asked through gritted teeth. 

“Nothing, yet. I simply came for a drink,” he said as he went over to the bar and poured himself a glass of whiskey. 

“I’m not stupid.”

“I never implied that.”

“Why are you here?”

“I told you, I was-“

“No, Loki, there’s a motive behind everything you do. Why are you here?” You pressed, folding your arms across your chest. Loki huffed, turning around to face you with his glass in hand.

“You think you understand me, now? Mind you, I was inside of your head,” he said before drinking all of the liquor in his glass. You rolled your eyes, picking up your book and heading to your bedroom. “Mewling quim,” Loki mumbled as you walked past. Without turning around, you threw your book at him and kept walking. Luckily, you had pretty good aim, and you nailed him right in the face. He stumbled back, staring at the book now on the ground and holding his hand to his face. “Ow,” he muttered. He picked up your book and set it on the counter. “And Thor says everyone will learn to accept me,” he said to himself. He poured himself another glass, finished it off, and walked back to his quarters.

Two weeks later, nothing had changed. You two were still cold to each other, exchanging snide remarks when possible. You weren’t alone, though. Everyone was still somewhat cold to Loki; and understandably so. He was just… what’s the best way to put it… a pain in the ass. It’s not that he’d been messing around or wreaking havoc lately, but everyone had something against him. Everyone. So, tensions were high, and cautious looks were always on the God of Mischief. Despite the fact that he had been brought back by Thor to help by using his cleverness and abilities (as well as mildly concerning extensive knowledge on just about everything), no one really liked using him or being around him unless they absolutely had to- and even then, it definitely wasn’t preferred. No one was sure if they could really trust him this time.

Loki understood this, and because of that, he cloistered himself off quite often. You’d seen him active every once in a while to get some food, change out his pile of books for new ones, or in mission briefing meetings when he was asked to attend. Otherwise, everyone hardly ever saw him. You were the unlucky one to see him most often, behind Thor of course. It wasn’t intentional, you just loved the grandiose library in the building as much as Loki seemed to love it.

You were alone, searching through the shelves of the library, looking for (Y/F/B). You honestly couldn’t remember where you left it, and you searched everywhere for it, but couldn’t find it. You hoped that maybe someone had returned it to the library to be courteous, but-

“Looking for this?” Loki asked, making you jump. A small yelp escaped your lips, and a small genuine? smile appeared on his lips. “You shouldn’t throw books at people, you know. That’s how they get lost,” he added. 

‘Yeah, no,’ you thought to yourself, ‘Nothing’s changed.‘ You walked up to Loki as he held out the book for you to take.

“Not if the book stays where you leave it, and someone doesn’t take it,” you retorted, taking the book from his hand. “I would say stolen, not lost,” you added, walking away from him and sitting down.

“I would have returned it to you if you asked,” Loki said. 

“Well, you seem to have a thing for lurking in the shadows, I figured I’d find you eventually,” you shot back with a proud smirk. Loki shrugged.

“I haven’t got much else to do.”

“So you follow people around?” You asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Only if I think it will be interesting,” he said, picking out a book filled with sonnets by Shakespeare. You clench your jaw. God, he can be annoying.

“Yeah, that’s still creepy and weird,” you said under your breath, deciding to leave. You got up and grabbed your book, ignoring the urge to throw it right at the god’s face again. You left the library and headed back to your room only to run into Steve.

“Ah, (Y/N), just the person I wanted to see,” he said warmly, grasping your arm firmly. “We need to talk,” he added. Your heart sank. ‘What now?’ You thought. You nodded and followed Steve, swallowing hard. He led you into a meeting room and sat down across from the chair that you claimed, letting out a deep breath. “I have some good news, and some not so good news,” he started, “which would you like to hear first?”

“Good news, please,” You answered, unsure, but desperate for something to help you brace for the “not so good news.”

“Alright, well, you’re on your own, kid. Your training is over, so you’re no longer tied down to me,” Steve said with a proud smile. You laughed.

“Finally, I can find someone who can keep up with me.”

“Hey, now! Don’t push it, doll,” Steve warned with a laugh. 

The relationship you two had formed over the years was comparable to that of a father and a daughter. Steve had taken you under his wing, he taught you everything. He comforted you when you doubted yourself, and he pushed you when you needed to learn a lesson the hard way. He believed in you when no one else did, and he taught you more than anyone else knew. For that, you would always be thankful. Needless to say, although you were technically older than him, he was the perfect dad that your younger self always wanted.

“So what’s the not so good news, then?” You asked, leaning forward. Steve signed, trying to stall.

“We need you to keep an eye on someone else, just to keep them in check,” Steve said as the tone quickly shifted. Your shoulders sank as your mouth fell agape. He didn’t have to say it- you knew.

“Nooo, no, no, no, I am NOT doing that. Are you kidding me, Steve?” You protested.

“(Y/N), he talks to you more than the rest of us, and we need Thor out on the field. He can’t always be babysitting.”

“Yeah, well, neither can I! I’m one of you guys, now! What, I learn how to fight just so you can put me on probation duty?”

“I know you don’t like it, but-“

“Well no one else would!”

“But it would help us a lot. Trust me, I don’t want you anywhere near that guy either. But maybe if we can get him to warm up to someone, he can be trusted,” Steve finished, trying to keep you calm. You sighed, searching for a reason for them to be doing this. Any reason. Why did it have to be you? That’s when it hit you.

“This is just because Thor said a while ago that I reminded him of Frigga, isn’t it?” You asked, watching Steve carefully for an answer. He stiffened. “You guys think that I’ll get to him that way.”

“You’re good at what you do-“

“No. No, this is because you want me to get into his head,” you said, taken back. You understood that Loki was hard to trust and the team needed to know more about him, but trying to use his past against him? That was a little much. You couldn’t imagine being in Loki’s position. If someone was trying to interrogate you every day simply because they reminded you of Steve… It’s a low blow. “He hasn’t even done anything to hurt anyone for the entire month he’s been here,” you added, trying to defend your point. While you didn’t really believe he was all that good, you hoped maybe it would work towards your favor.

“I know, and we do want to use him, but we just don’t know if we can do that yet. That’s why we need your help, (Y/N). All you have to do is-“

“I am not-“

“Please-“

“No! Steve, I am NOT going to play that game. Loki knows illusions, and he knows his mom. If I tried to go to him as Frigga, he would know right away, and I would be dead in an instant. Besides, I don’t even know her-“

“Thor does,” Steve interrupted. “Thor can help you, just give it a try. It might at least shake him to see the one person he felt close to.” You sighed. There was no way you were going to win this, and you could tell.

“If you show me what she looks like and how she behaved, I’ll do one illusion. ONE. But I’m not going to try to interrogate him as Frigga. That’s too risky, and that’s too far.” You said in slight defeat. Steve sighed. Although he knew he wouldn’t be able to win you over fully, he would take what he can get. Besides, he couldn’t blame you. If anyone did that to him with Peggy, there would be hell to pay.

“Alright, deal. But you’re the one talking to Phil about why plans changed then, not me.”

“Fine, I can do that. And you’re not talking me into going with the original plan either, no matter how much Phil tries to convince you otherwise.”

“Fair enough,” Steve said with a sigh. And with that, you were walking down the hall to the main conference room to be briefed on your new long term assignment.

You worked it out so that at least three times a week, you had to meet with Loki. You would ask him questions, do a check up, and just talk to try and get to know him. You usually had to search around the building until you found Loki, but you made it work. The library was the most common place to find him. At noon every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, you and Loki would meet for an hour. You would go through your routine questions, ask him if there’s any thing he’d like to ask, and then the two of you would spend the remainder of the time talking about miscellaneous things- books, the building, Thor, differences between Asgard and Midgard, etc. Normally, you would do most of the talking just to fill the hour- Loki wasn’t very chatty. But, sooner or later, your time would be up and the two of you could move on with your lives. While this definitely was your least favorite chore, you began to get used to it. 

“Hey, Loki. You ready?” You asked, walking into the library with your clipboard in hand. Loki sighed as he set his book down, looking up at you from the chair he was lounging in. 

“I suppose so,” he replied, clearly unamused. “My answers haven’t changed since Wednesday, you know.”

“Okay, noted. Anything else you want to add, any questions?” You asked, jotting things down on the paper.

“Yes, actually.” You looked up at him, a little surprised. “Why are you the one they stuck with me? Last time I saw you, you weren’t even aware of your abilities- yet here you are, now one of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, tasked with regular data collections as if I’m an experiment; Which, I’m sure you dislike as much as I do.” He folded his hands on his lap, leaning forward, intently watching you. You swallowed hard, trying to figure out what to say, hoping that he wouldn’t be able to tell if you lied.

“Well… they…. They thought that-“

“Who’s they?” He pressed.

“Coulson, Rogers, Stark, Thor and some of the other teammates thought that you’d be more comfortable if I-”

“More comfortable than with my own brother?”

“Uh… you do like to stab him, so…”

“Fair enough,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “Why would I be more comfortable with you?” You paused again. What was he getting at?

“I-I don’t… know…” You looked down at your paper, clearing your throat and decided to try to change the topic. “Anything else?” You asked. Loki’s lips twitched into a brief smirk.

“No,” He replied, looking at you in amusement. You nodded, biting your lip as you could feel your face flare red.

“How about we just cut today short? I won’t say anything if you don’t,” you said, finally meeting his eyes.

“No one will find out?” Loki asked, standing up and taking a couple steps toward you. You instinctively backed away, causing a smirk to grow on his face. You swallowed again, your mind racing at a hundred miles an hour in attempt to process what was happening.

“No one’s here. If-if you don’t say anything then… then I’m sure we can get away with it… just this once,” you stammered, giving up on trying to mask your discomfort.

“I suppose,” Loki replied, turning around to return to his chair. He picked up his book and continued reading, as if nothing had happened. You pivoted on your heel and swiftly walked towards the door. “I’ll see you on Monday, (Y/N),” Loki called out to you before you left the room. You paused in the doorway, turning around to face him. You tried to read his expression, but you were given no help. There was an odd mix of amusement, intrigue, pride, and apathy all at once. You nodded, lifting your chin to hide your nerves and feign confidence.

“See ya Monday, Loki,” You replied. With that, you quickly turned around and left the room, heading straight for your bedroom. 

You set your clipboard on your bed and plopped down next to it, letting out a deep breath. You mind replayed the scene in the library over and over again, trying to understand what happened, what you were feeling. Whatever it was, it was a mess.

You were analyzing Loki’s actions for what felt like the 500th time when you had an idea. You sat up and reached for your phone, which was sitting on your nightstand, and texted Steve.

‘I’m doing it.’

‘(Y/N), I’m in the middle of briefing. Doing what?’

‘I’m not going to do it tonight, but before Monday. Maybe when he’s in the library.’

…

‘Steve?’

‘You got the okay from Phil. Just be careful.’

‘Of course.’

You set down your phone with a smile. This’ll be good.

It was late Sunday night, the team had returned yesterday, and you went down to the library to see if Loki was there. Luckily, you saw him browsing through the shelves, his back facing you. You smiled to yourself. It’s about time the God of Mischief got a taste of his own medicine.

You went upstairs and told Thor that you were ready to try it, and he reviewed with you exactly how to walk, what to wear, and instructed you carefully to only let Loki see you long enough to recognize Frigga. Any longer, and you might be put into a dangerous position. You nodded, ran it over with Steve and Thor, and when they gave you the okay, you headed down to the library. 

One of the perks of your powers was you could bend light for the people around you and create illusions. This meant you could look however you wanted to look, or not be seen at all. You made sure you were invisible to others as you made your way down the stairs and peeked into the library. Loki was there, still browsing through the shelves and adding books onto his pile. You walked over to the western door of the library, which was already open at the time, and stood right behind the frame as you switched your illusion to that of Frigga, sporting her blue dress. You took a deep breath, and slowly walked past the doorway, keeping your head forward. In the library, you could hear Loki flipping through pages, when all of the sudden it stopped.

Thud.

The books dropped onto the ground and Loki stood, confused, mouth agape, as you disappeared from sight within a second. As soon as you reached the other end, you changed your illusion back to invisibility and quietly walked into the library to see Loki. You wanted to know how much you could mess with him. You walked in, expecting to see shock on his face.

And you did. He was clearly shocked.

But there was so much more.

His eyes began to brim with tears as he continued to stare at the doorway, almost like he was waiting for his mother to walk through the door. His eyes began to scan the whole room, looking for something. You had seen enough, and definitely felt satisfied with the results. You should probably get out of there now. You turned to walk out, but forgetting that you can’t block sound, your first footstep echoed through the room. Loki straightened and slowly walked toward the door you were currently standing in. Your heart began to race. If he came too close and touched you, he would know that you were there. 

It would all be over. 

You slowly backed out of the door and into the hall as Loki approached you. You backed all the way until you were pressed up against the wall, watching as Loki stood in the doorway. You held your breath as he went dead silent, his eyes scanning across the hall. It was so painfully slow, and although you knew he couldn’t see you, when his eyes landed on you, you could’ve sworn your heart had skipped a beat. No matter how much you wanted to, you couldn’t peel your eyes off of him. Not until you knew it was safe. You waited for what seemed like an eternity for him to walk back into the library, his jaw clenched, his eyes still brimmed with tears. 

As soon as it was clear and he was far enough away, you booked it, straight back to the lounge where Steve and Thor were waiting. You removed all your illusions and finally began to breathe properly as adrenaline still coursed through your veins.

“So? How’d it go?” Steve asked, turning his attention from his conversation with Thor to you. You shook your head with wide eyes.

“It worked… But I’m never doing that again,” you said simply before walking back to your room. You went straight to bed after that, and the world went black.

The next morning, you woke up to your alarm with a jolt. You had to get to your meeting with Loki. To be honest, after last night, the last thing you wanted to do was face him. But you didn’t want to raise any further questions. You took your time getting ready, picking up your clipboard and questionnaire, and headed down to the library. However, Loki wasn’t in there. So you went into the main lounge. Nothing. All of the meeting rooms. No sign of him. You checked the kitchen, the dining room, the training room, med bay, all to no avail.

“FRIDAY?” You called out.

“Yes, Miss (Y/L/N)?” The system replied.

“Where is Loki?”

“He is currently located on the 5th floor in room 7.” Your eyes widened in fear, and you began to shake. “Would you like me to tell him that you are coming?”

“N-no! No, no, no, no!” You yelled, waving your hands frantically. “Don’t do that, please.”

“As you wish.”

You let out a long breath in mild relief and made your way up to the 5th floor, walking down the bedroom hall. You looked down at room 7, seeing the door open. You took a shaky breath as you slowly made your way to that room.

To your room.

You slowly turned to stand in the doorway. The man- or god- you had been looking for was facing the window, his back towards you, and his hands clasped in front of him. Your eyes moved from the back of his head to his reflection, only to see that his eyes were already on you. Your heart was pounding so hard, you could almost hear it. For once, he looked oddly peaceful. And you hated it. You feared it. Every muscle in your body tensed as Loki began to speak.

“Hello there, (Y/N). You know, I wasn’t aware that you had met Frigga.”

Thud.

Your clipboard fell to the floor.


	3. Chapter 3

Loki turned to face you. You tried to stay collected, but your shaking hands didn’t do much to conceal anything. Your mouth was agape, your eyes were wide, and a prideful smirk grew on his face.

“What? Are you surprised? I know my way around illusions, and I just happen to know the only other person in this wretched establishment who can create them,” He said as he slowly walked towards you. You backed away, step by step, as he approached. You wanted to keep as much distance between the two of you as possible.

“I’ve never met Frigga-“

“I’m aware.” He continued to walk towards you as you backed out of your bedroom and into the hall. “That’s what my brother is for, isn’t it?” He asked as your back hit the wall of the hallway.

“Loki-“

“Listen well, (Y/N),” he started, slowly closing the gap between the two of you, “you can try to toy with me with your games and illusions, but I’ve been doing this longer than you’ve been alive. It won’t work,” he said as he stopped, inches away from you. “You may fear me now, but I can do much, much worse than you could ever imagine.” He slammed his hand into your neck, pinning you to the wall. “I promise you that everything you do will have a consequence- and you will pay for your actions in full,” he spat as you clawed at his hand, gasping for air.

“I’m sorry-“ you managed, just barely clear enough for him to understand.

“No, you are not sorry- but you will be.” He picked you up by your throat as your vision started to go black. You weakly tried to dig your nails into his arm, but he wouldn’t let go. Bright flashes of light appeared all around you in your body’s defense, but you couldn’t conjure up anything strong enough to stun Loki. Just before you completely lost consciousness, he hurled you back into your room with an angry yell. As soon as you hit the ground, you crawled to the opposite wall to try and add as much distance as you could, your chest heaving as it pumped oxygen back into your lungs. You coughed and rubbed your hand against your burning throat, looking back up at the god. He looked at you with his jaw clenched before slowly walking away.

Loki believed he won. Again. You weren’t going to let that happen. Despite your better judgement, you decided to press.

“If it won’t work, then why did it bother you so much?” You hesitantly got up, preparing for a fight. You heard Loki’s footsteps pause, your heart pounding.

“You truly believe you have me figured out, don’t you?” He asked, his voice echoing through the hallway. You waited for him to come closer as your mind raced.

“N-no,” you stuttered, seemingly stumbling over your words, unsure of what to say. You took a deep breath, stepping out into the hallway to face Loki’s back. “I just… why are you so cold?” Loki looked down at the ground as his aggression subdued.

“Too many people have tried to play games with me-“

“I’m not playing any games Loki,“ you objected. He paused, turning around to face you. This time, his expression was not one of anger, it was softer- however, you were still unsure of how he felt.

“Then what are you doing?” He retorted, clenching his jaw after he spoke. You stared at him with a blank expression, being slow to speak.

“I… I’m trying to find… Who you really are. Not just the… the villain… that you pretend to be.” You looked down at the ground, fidgeting with your hands as you continued to slowly speak. “I want to know what lies underneath the shell you put on. I know enough about illusions to know that… that they aren’t just visual.” You took a deep breath, looking back up at Loki. His expression had softened, however his eyes still seemed to lack emotion. “S.H.I.E.L.D. keeps you here for a reason… Thor still calls you his brother for a reason… I was assigned to you for a reason… I want to know why.”

“Because you are all idiots who want nothing more than to brainwash anyone within arms reach into being another one of your pawns.” His expression turned cold once again as he turned around and walked away from you. You clenched your fists as your heart raced.

“And you’re an idiot who thinks the world is always pitted against you- and-and you’re too prideful to admit it’s your fault some people have learned to hate you!” He stopped again. You froze, processing your own words. They were somewhat childish, but… You’d never given much thought to Loki other than your loathing toward him. You began to realize that part of you still had hope. That part of you was probably influenced by Thor. That part of you hoped there was still a chance for good within Loki. Despite the fact that he terrified you, and he almost tried to kill you, Thor’s words echoed through your mind. You two had talked about Loki before your first “interview.”

‘Despite all he’s done,’ Thor told you, ‘there can still be good within him. Though set paths are easy to walk down, they are not always followed to the end.’

As much as you didn’t want to admit it… dammit, you hoped he was right. You didn’t want to have these weekly interviews for no reason with a purely evil villain; and you didn’t want the team to have to work with someone who could easily jeopardize their safety.

“What else do you believe to know about me?” He asked quietly, keeping his back toward you. Your clenched hands relaxed, seeing an opportunity. He wasn’t yelling anymore- so you wouldn’t either. Maybe you could finally see the part of Loki that Thor always told you was there.

“You misunderstand other people just as often as they misunderstand you… And… and you have a lot of anger, but… but you aren’t evil,” you spoke slowly, as if walking on glass.

“Though it is the story everyone here seems to want, I am not the charity case my brother believes me to be.” With that, he walked away, leaving you in the hallway, speechless. 

He still had to answer the questions, though.

You decided to head to the library, hoping that when Loki was ready, he would come. You went back into your room and picked up your clipboard. Walking back down the hallway, a shine on the floor caught your eye. You walked up to it and stopped, furrowing your brows. Right where Loki had been standing just a few moments ago, was a puddle. It was small, but it was there.

He cried.

“He tried to kill you, (Y/N)!”

“I know, I know, but he was angry. We knew he would get angry-“

“That doesn’t mean he can attack you like that-“

“But-“

“Steve has a fair point, (Y/N),” Thor interrupted as he walked into the room in the middle of your argument. “Loki will never change-“

“Thor, I-“

“No, (Y/N). He has always been this way. It isn’t likely he will change anytime soon.” You felt defeated. Thor, the only other person in the building who hoped for good in Loki, seemed to be giving up too. You wanted to tell them about his tears, his emotion, but you were crying enough on your own at the moment.

“He has to go,” Steve said quietly, putting a hand on your shoulder. You pushed his hand away, shaking your head.

“Please-“

“We can’t jeopardize your safety like that, (Y/N),” Steve said. Thor nodded in agreement.

“Just… give him one more chance, okay? If it happens again, then he can go.”

“Why do you want him to stay?” Steve asked, a look of concern beginning to appear on his face.

“It… gives me something to do… and… I… I think I’m making progress, I just need more time.” You swallowed, looking at the ground, hoping they would let Loki stay. As much as you feared Loki, you couldn’t imagine him not being around anymore. You wanted to be able to talk to him. To learn about him. To find out why he cried. The silence in the room was heavy. You stood still, keeping your eyes to the floor as you waited for someone to say something. The longer it dragged on, the harder it was to hold back the lump in your throat. Tears fell, but you couldn’t speak- not if they were going to send Loki back to prison. Dammit, if someone would just-

“Fine.” Your head shot up as Steve spoke. Your tear-filled eyes bounced from Thor to Steve as you began to feel hopeful. “He stays for now, but he goes back into that cell. If he does anything to you ever again-“

“He’s gone.”

“Be careful with him, (Y/N),” Thor added.

“Of course. Thank you guys so much, I won’t let you down-“

“I know,” Steve said with an apathetic smile. He hoped he wasn’t making the wrong decision. You were about to walk out when one other thing came to mind.

“Oh, um, one more thing…” Steve raised an eyebrow. “Do you mind if I take him out of his cell for the interviews?”

“(Y/N), are you serious?”

“Please, just for the hour.”

“Why would you want to do that?”

“Maybe it’ll help him open up-“

“That’s ridiculous-“

“Please?” Steve sighed, knowing you weren’t going to let up.

“Fine. Only for an hour.” He stated flatly. You smiled in relief, running out of the meeting room to find Loki.

You took your time searching through the building, hoping you would be the first to find Loki. You searched through the main floor, checked the main kitchen and living room, training rooms, offices, med bay, and finally stopped at the library. However, he was nowhere to be seen. You called his name, walking through the shelves of the room slowly, brushing your fingers against the spines of the carefully placed rows of books and taking note of all the empty spaces- all the books Loki had kept for himself. Your heart started to drop in response to the silence. Where was he? You hoped he was okay. You didn’t hurt him, did you? However, then you thought: Why would it matter if you did? It’s not like you…

“We’re running late, aren’t we?” You turned to the doorway to see Loki standing there, his books in hand, ready to replace. You felt a wave of relief. He came.

“Very. Six hours late, in fact,” you replied with a smile. “You ready?”

“Of course.” Loki swiftly walked past you, putting all of his books where they belonged and retrieving five more as you sat down in the center of the library and waited. As he moved to sit across from you, you realized that you had left your clipboard in the meeting room. Too embarrassed to get up and get it, you opted to go without this time. You cleared your throat.

“We’re just gonna skip the questions. Is there, uh, anything you want to talk about?” You started, fidgeting with your hands. You weren’t sure if Loki was going to chose to ignore what had happened just hours before, or if he was going to bring it up- either way, you were nervous. 

“Yes, actually,” Loki said matter-of-factly, peaking your interest. “What do you think about me?” He leaned forward, clasping his hands together while resting his elbows on his legs and his chin on his hands. He looked at you as if he were studying your every movement.

“Uh, what… do you mean?” You asked hesitantly, your heart beginning to race.

“You believe I misunderstand others?”

“Uh, well… Um… I… I mean you… yeah, you misunderstand other people… but, but I think you are misunderstood, too.” Loki tilted his head, urging you to go on and assuring you he was listening. “I- I don’t think that… that you’re evil, or anything. I know a little bit about your past, and I think that because so many people misunderstood you, you began to misunderstand others.” He nodded, looking to the ground pensively. “And I think that you put on a façade. You do whatever you think will benefit you- even if that means being cold to everyone else.” You kept your eyes on Loki as silence filled the room. Each second that passed made you feel increasingly uneasy. He kept his eyes to the floor, lost in thought. “Well?” You urged, hoping he would just say something. He shrugged, finally looking back up at you.

“It’s not for me to decide if you’re right,” he finally said. You sighed.

“Well, I know for a fact you’re not as cold as you think you are.” Loki scoffed.

“You don’t know me well enough to say that.”

“You were crying earlier. Why?”

“No I wasn’t-“

“Loki-“

“Why would I cry-“

“Loki-“

“Over something so-“

“Loki!” He finally paused, closing his mouth and sighing. “I’m not recording any of this-“

“Well, security is-“

“You’re not getting my point! They’re not going to look at this, I promise you. Our meetings are usually forgotten, you’re just my busy work. It’s off the record. I asked a question. You can answer it, and this will stay between us.” You said softly, leaning forward and reaching to place a hand on his knee. He shied away from your touch. Not wanting to push too far, you placed your hand back in your lap. “Come on. You’re stuck with me for who knows how long, and you’ve listened to my rambling enough to know me pretty well. It’s my turn to get to know you- the real you.” You admittedly cringed at yourself for sounding like such a cliché therapist, but you really did care. You weren’t lying, you wanted to get to know Loki. Maybe there was hope for him.

“Trust me, no one wants that,” he said with a sigh.

“I do.”

“(Y/N), I appreciate your sympathy, but… sometimes my oaf of a brother is right, I’m not likely to change.” Your eyes widened.

“You-you were there?” Loki nodded. “So you know about-“

“I do. And I understand. Though, I am curious as to why you were so adamant in my defense,” he said, almost as a question, so he could avoid answering your first question.

“I… I have hope.”

“Hope that you can make your so-called “progress”? Or that I can “get better”?” Loki’s brows furrowed, and his jaw clenched as he spoke, anger rising again.

“I know you’re not a “charity case,” Loki-“

“Then why do you act as if I am one?”

“Because I know you’re hiding something! Maybe if you just opened up, someone other than your brother could defend you! Maybe you could help for once! Maybe you could finally understand the people around you, and they can understand you. Dammit, Loki, I’m just trying to help you. I’m not trying to use you- what gain would I have from that? Why can’t you see that?” You blurted, gesturing wildly as you spoke. Loki’s expression softened as you yelled, his eyes running across the floor.

“Because only my mother ever truly wanted to help me, and she’s gone,” Loki answered quietly, tears beginning to pool in his eyes. However, he soon collected himself. “Besides, I’m not sure why you feel the need to help me.” You paused for a moment, realizing that you weren’t quite sure yourself.

“Like I said, I’m stuck with you. You know me, and I want to know you. These meetings would be a lot easier if we were friendly.” You paused, waiting for Loki to give you another snide remark, but he didn’t speak. “Maybe one day, I can see you without your illusion- including your visual one. I know you have one on.” Loki’s eyes shot up to yours in surprise. You almost laughed at his sudden reaction. “Oh, come on, it’s my specialty too- did you think I wouldn’t notice?” Loki swallowed, unsure of how to respond. “One day? Maybe?” You pressed, hoping for a promise of progress. He took a deep breath.

“Maybe.” He answered simply. You smiled.

“That’s enough for me.”

Loki was quick to change the subject, asking about other sections of the library he had yet to explore. You told him about the other rooms in the library he could find if he took the stairs up a floor or down a floor, and he listened intently. You noticed he was a bit more talkative this time too- something you were happy to see. When your hour was up, Loki (luckily) went with you to his cell willingly. You felt bad for putting him there, but he understood, and probably thought it would be better for him to cooperate than fight it. He took his books with him, and you made sure he had a nice bed and some food for the night. After you said your goodbyes and parting ways, you made your way back to your room.

Laying down on your bed, you closed your eyes with a soft smile, reminiscing about the conversations you had had with Loki. Despite the scare earlier that day, you loved to delve into your past conversations fondly. You had noticed, too, that whenever you closed your eyes, he seemed to be the only thing on your mind. You couldn’t wait to talk to him again in two days, to hear his voice, to-

You shot up with wide eyes, moving to sit on the side of your bed. 

What the hell was happening to you?

‘There’s no way I could care about him,’ you thought to yourself. ‘Maybe as an acquaintance, or even a friend, but nothing more than that. I still can’t seem to get him out of my-‘

That was it.

That had to be it.

That bastard had gotten into your head.

You tried to stay collected, but your hands started to shake, which didn’t do much to conceal anything.

As much as you hated the idea of being used, you really hoped that was it.


	4. Chapter 4

You needed to see him.

You knew that as soon as you woke up the next morning. The only reasonable explanation for this mess was that Loki was in your head still. There was no other way you’d even think about falling for someone like him. Although it was Tuesday and the two of you weren’t supposed to meet yet, you figured you could play it off. Most of the team didn’t really seem to monitor your activity, especially when away on a mission; and as far as the guards knew, you called the shots when it came to your meetings with Loki. 

You took your time getting ready, trying to figure out what you would say and relax your nerves. However, as you sat at the table, eating breakfast, your mind began to wander. What would Loki want, coming down here? He was supposed to help the team, and although you did aggravate him, you thought he would have more self-control than that. Whether or not his outburst was intentional, he scared you. A lot. He was a god, for crying out loud. A part of you hated having him in the compound, always wondering if you were safe. 

Another part of you, though, was glad that he was here. Though you didn’t really want to admit it, you didn’t necessarily hate the interviews and the talks. Oddly enough, he was sociable and even friendly sometimes. Especially toward you. A part of you was tempted to call him a friend. Maybe even one of your best-

“Good morning, (Y/N),” One of your best friends said, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“Hey, Wanda,” you responded, slightly jarred from the surprise of her voice.

“Lost in thought, huh?” She began making herself some breakfast and coffee. You sighed, shaking your head.

“Yeah, I guess so. Just trying to figure some things out.” You stared down at your half empty plate, chasing food around the edges with your fork.

“Maybe I could help?” She offered as she sat next to you and began to eat. You shook your head.

“No, no, it’s okay. I should probably figure this out on my own.” 

“Alright, well, if you ever change your mind, I’ll always be here,” she said as she leaned over to give you a hug. You reciprocated the affection, almost wishing she had an answer. However, you were determined to find out for yourself. As much as you loved Wanda, she didn’t need to be a part of this. You would find out from Loki himself. 

Thankfully, Wanda had changed the topic and quickly converted your conversation to the ones you would normally have. You finished breakfast with her before excusing yourself, saying that you had some things to attend to.

“Are you going to ‘figure things out’?” She asked with a smile.

“Hopefully, yeah. I’ll let you know how it goes.” With a smile in return, you headed off, going to Loki’s cell. 

At first, you felt nothing but anger and determination. You were going to find out what Loki was doing to you, and if he wouldn’t tell you, you would put a stop to it. You were sick of his games. Maybe you’d even give Thor the OK to bring Loki back to Asgard. Then you’d be rid of him for good. However, as you neared the entrance to his cell, your heart started to race as your hands started to tremble. Suddenly, you were more nervous now than ever. You walked right past the guard at the door, and luckily, he didn’t question your entry. You stood in the small airlock between the door you just passed through and the password protected door that lead to the cell. As the door closed behind you, you paused. Would it really be worth it? Why would he be inclined tell the truth in the first place? Against your better judgement, you took a deep breath and typed in the 8-digit code to open the door.

Loki’s head immediately perked up from his book, as he wasn’t exactly expecting visitors. You walked in and sat in a chair on the other side of the glass. Loki went back to reading.

“Hello there,” was all he said in a flat tone as he turned the page. “I thought today was Tuesday-“

“It is,” you shot back coldly. His eyebrow twitched upwards, slightly entertained and intrigued as to how this interaction was about to ensue.

“And you’re here because…?” You huffed.

“Why the hell are you in my head?” You asked in such a blunt tone that it almost sounded like an order for an answer. Loki finally looked up, his lips threatening to twitch into a smile. 

“I’m not in your head, darling,” Loki replied, too calm for your liking.

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying.”

“I know what you’re trying to do.”

“Oh, do you now?” Loki closed his book and leaned forward, finding your exchange both interesting and entertaining. “Enlighten me. What am I trying to do?” You rolled your eyes. 

“Listen, I get it. I’m the only other person in your corner. I’m the only person here who doesn’t want you back in Asgard. But that does not give you the right to start playing games with me and pushing your limits. You can’t manipulate me like this, okay? I barely consider you a friend-”

“Wait, what exactly do you think I’m doing?” Loki interrupted. 

“Don’t play dumb with me.” You warned with a glare. Loki raised his eyebrows, urging you to go on. “You really aren’t gonna admit it?” You asked, exasperated. Loki paused, seemingly perplexed.

“I’m not going to admit to something I haven’t done,” He answered in a firm yet soft tone. You sighed and leaned forward, resting your head in your hands. Why wouldn’t he just admit what he did and fix it? You obviously weren’t falling for his tricks. Loki’s head tilted to the side as he observed you. “You seem quite upset over this.” You lifted your head up and glared at him.

“No shit, Sherlock,” You muttered as you stood up. At this point, you doubted you’d get a confession out of him. He wouldn’t be any help. You decided you would just leave, and hopefully you would find help somewhere else. You pulled the chair into the corner of the room in silence. With a defeated sigh, you walked toward the door and began to punch in the 8-digit code to leave, being sure to cover the keypad so Loki wouldn’t be able to see it.

“I could help you, if you’d like. I could see if someone-“

“Loki, you’ve been inside my head enough. I don’t need your help.” You promptly finished typing in the code and the door slid open. Loki slouched back and watched you leave, lost in thought. He opened his mouth to say something, but decided against speaking. You made your way back to the kitchen to find Wanda doing the dishes.

“Hey, (Y/N),” she greeted lightly with a soft smile. “That didn’t take very long.” You grabbed yourself a clean glass from the cupboard and poured yourself something to drink.

“Yeah, well, it didn’t go as well as I’d hoped.” You sat down at the counter as you spoke, and Wanda set the last of the wet dishes into the drying rack. 

“How so?” She dried her hands and turned to face you.

“I didn’t get any answers,” you responded, trying to be vague. Wanda nodded and took a seat next to you.

“Maybe I can help?” She offered as she sat down. You weighed your options, unsure if you wanted to tell her. While you trusted your best friend, you also knew that she didn’t trust Loki. If she told Steve, Tony, or Thor that Loki had done something, they would send him off without getting you the answers you wanted. She could help, though, and you really wanted to know what Loki had done to you. You sighed.

“You can’t say anything. Promise me you tell anyone.”

“Sure, I promise,” Wanda reassured you with a nod. You took a deep breath.

“You remember how Loki helped me get my memories back?” Wanda nodded. “I think he did more than just that… I feel like he’s always on my mind, and… I don’t know. Can you just… check things out for me? See what’s going on?”

“Yeah, of course,” She agreed with a smile.

“Thanks, Wanda.”

“It’s the least I can do.” She took your hand in hers. “Ready?” She asked. You took a deep breath and nodded, closing your eyes. Despite all the times Wanda had done this, you would never get used to the odd feeling of someone else being in your head. Luckily, she didn’t take long. 

“Find anything yet?” You asked quietly as she shifted in her seat. 

“Everything seems normal,” she muttered. “The only thing he did was restore your memory.”

“You sure?”

“I’m still looking.” Another couple of moments of silence passed. Wanda finally released your hand. “I’m sorry, (Y/N). I couldn’t find any abnormalities.”

“Shit,” you whispered under your breath. You knew what this meant, but you didn’t want to admit it. You opened your eyes to meet Wanda’s gaze. Her eyes were wide, but she looked sympathetic.

“You keep thinking about him, but it isn’t because he’s manipulating you.” She paused. “(Y/N), you’ve fallen in-“

“Don’t say it… Please.” You interrupted. She nodded and averted her eyes to the counter. You ran a hand through your hair in frustration. “How?” You mumbled, almost to yourself. Wanda shook her head.

“Love can be… odd, sometimes.”

“But why him? Of all people? And after what he did to me?”

“I don’t know, (Y/N). I’m sorry.” You finished your drink and set the glass in the sink, your mind racing. 

“What do I do now?” You asked, leaning against the counter.

“It depends. Do you want to try to push away how you feel, or follow your heart?”

“I… I don’t know. I mean, I- I want to… be with him… but… but I know Steve wouldn’t allow it, and I doubt Loki feels the same way… There’s no way anything could ever happen. It would just be a waste of time.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I’m not gonna let myself get hurt.” You began to walk away, opting to go to your room and clear your head.

“But maybe something does happen,” Wanda called out, stopping you in your tracks. “Maybe he falls in love with you. Can you imagine how happy you’d be? And he’s Asgardian, he could live a long life with you. You deserve that.” You swallowed hard, weighing her words. “Just don’t dismiss it yet, okay? Think about it.” Wanda waited for a response, but you gave her none. You took a deep breath and walked away, heading across the compound to your bedroom. You had a lot to think about.

_____ 

You knew it was a bad idea. No one in the compound trusted Loki. You didn’t even fully trust him. However, Wanda’s words echoed in your head. You wanted to be happy, you really did. Even if it would be brief, you wanted to pursue the happiness Loki could give you. Just being around him as a friend, of course. You knew a romantic relationship couldn’t be possible- not with someone like him.

You went to see him almost every day, and although he never said anything out loud, you could tell he was curious as to why. He didn’t seem to mind it, though. You were the only person he really got to interact with, and you made sure that every hour you got with him would count. You took him around the compound and let him choose where to go when he wanted. Sometimes, if the team was gone, you would sneak him out and take him into public. The two of you had been to cafés, libraries, shops, and parks, all without Steve, Tony, or Thor’s knowledge. The only thing they knew was that you were meeting with Loki more.

_____ 

“(Y/N), I know you want to make progress, but I don’t know if you should be meeting with Loki so often,” Steve spoke in a condescending tone as he sat across from you. Tony was paging through the file notes and Thor stood in the corner of the room, listening in and watching Loki in the cell on a tablet. 

“You’re doing great, kid. I mean really. You’ve made a lot of progress. I’m proud of you. You don’t need to go out of your way to prove yourself- you know that, right?” Tony added, taking a seat next to you. He set down the thick manila folder full of your notes. You nodded.

“I know, Tony, I just-“

“We’re just trying to keep you safe, (Y/N)” Thor butted in, looking up from his tablet. You sighed, searching for something to convince them. You didn’t want to stop seeing Loki now that you felt warm around him. There wasn’t any hostility left, and he seemed to enjoy having you around (although part of you wondered if that was just your own wishful thinking).

“But… But I-“

“We’ll start taking you on missions, too. Get you out in the field, where you belong.” Steve picked up the folder and started to sift through the papers.

“You have a lot of potential. I know you’re comfortable here, but you could grow a lot.” Tony turned to you as he spoke. “Loki will be sent back to Asgard, and you’ll secure your spot on the team. It’s a win-win.”

“What’ll happen to Loki?” You asked, looking to Thor.

“He’ll be on better terms with our people, as he’s been helpful to us. He won’t be put back into prison, but he will be watched closely,” Thor answered as he sat at the table. You averted your eyes to the table, conflicted. You didn’t want the three to know anything about how you felt about Loki, but you also didn’t want to send him away. You convinced yourself that he would be better off here, with you.

“Is there something you’re not telling us, (Y/N)?” Steve asked with furrowed brows, glancing up at you from the files he was reading. You gave him a questioning look. “You can be open with us. We’re here to help.”

“What would I hide from you guys?” You asked, trying to play it off.

“I don’t know. You just seem uncomfortable with the situation, so I thought I’d ask.” Steve set the folder down and took a seat. “Maybe just take a break for a while, okay? You’ve got loads of information, and we have a small mission coming up. We could really use you. Whaddya say?” You sighed. It would only be a break. And you’d finally get out on the field. You’ve been waiting to go on a mission as an Avenger for months, and this was your chance. Despite your inner conflict, and how much you really didn’t want to, you decided to agree.

“Okay. Count me in,” You said with a soft smile. Steve smiled with pride.

“You’ll do great, kid,” Tony said fondly, giving you a pat on the back. He then stood and excused himself from the room, heading for the labs.

“It will be wonderful to have you join us next week, (Y/N),” Thor added before excusing himself as well. Steve waited for Thor to leave the room before speaking.

“I know it can be nerve-wracking, but I know you. You’re gonna be a great addition to the team, and we’re all excited to have you,” Steve assured, putting a hand on your shoulder. You avoided his eyes, still unsure. “Don’t forget… I’m here for ya. You can talk to me about anything.” You nodded.

“I know, Steve. I… I’m just nervous, that’s all,” You said, hoping Steve wouldn’t press any further.

“Don’t be. You’ve trained for this. I know you’ll kill it, doll.” Steve stood up and paused, silently signaling for you to do the same. You swallowed hard and stood. Steve opened his arms for a hug, and you quickly wrapped your arms around him.

“Thank you, Steve,” you mumbled into his shoulder.

“Don’t thank me, thank Tony. It was his idea to start you next week,” Steve said as he pulled away. You smiled, genuinely, and he shot you a wink before walking out of the room. As soon as he was down the hall, you sank back into your chair.

‘What am I doing?’ You thought as tears welled in your eyes. Your mind was racing, trying to figure out how you would tell Loki, when suddenly you heard a tap on the glass door. You quickly wiped your eyes and looked up to see Thor, who returned to the room without your notice, holding a clipboard. You cleared your throat and nodded, signaling for Thor to come in. Without a word, he set the clipboard down on the table. It was your questionnaire. You glanced over at the clocked and realized you were late for your meeting with Loki. Would you even really be allowed to have a meeting with him today? It seemed pretty clear that you were done with those until further notice. Thor pulled out a chair beside you and sat down. You cleared your throat and slid the clipboard to the side.

“You seem nervous,” Thor noted, trying to start conversation. In the back of your mind, you wondered what he wanted to talk about.

“Because I am,” you answered bluntly, staring at your hands.

“Can I ask you something?”

“… Sure.” A beat of silence passed as Thor took a breath, collecting his thoughts.

“Do you… care for my brother?” Your eyes shot up to Thor as concern started to overtake your features.

“Why do you ask?” You managed slowly. Thor shifted in his seat.

“The way you talk about him… I can see it.”

“Thor, I-“

“I won’t tell anyone, don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.” You sighed in relief. “You should go meet with him. I’m sure he’s waiting for you.”

“Do you think Steve and Tony’ll allow it?” You stood up and grabbed the clipboard.

“They don’t have to know,” Thor said softly, taking the clipboard from your hands. You tilted your head in confusion. “Just enjoy your time with him. I can tell he makes you happy. Don’t let those two take away from that.” Thor stood, now with the clipboard by his side. You nodded, a soft smile growing on your lips. You turned and headed toward the door. “If it means anything-“ Thor added as you reached the doorway. You paused. “I think you make him happy too.” You turned around to face Thor, your smile growing.

“Thank you, Thor.”

“You’re welcome, (Y/N).” With that, you headed down the hall toward Loki’s cell, looking forward to the next hour.

When you reached his cell, your eyes immediately met Loki’s. He had been staring at the door for the past 10 minutes or so, waiting for you to arrive. His lips pulled into a barely visible smile as you walked in.

“You’re late,” He remarked, standing up.

“Since when have I cared about being on time?” You shot back with a smirk, walking up to his cell. “What do you think about taking a walk?” You asked as you punched in a code to unlock Loki’s cell.

“Won’t they find out?” Loki asked as the glass door to his cell slid open. 

“Don’t you know how to create illusions?” Loki smiled. He stepped outside of the cell and generated an illusion inside of the glass of him reading a book, and you created one of yourself sitting outside of the cell. You closed the door and looked to Loki with a smile. “Ready to go?” You asked, offering your hand. Loki hesitantly put his hand in yours. He wasn’t used to any sort of affection or physical touch, and you two hadn’t held hands often. It was a rare occasion, and usually one that neither of you acknowledged. This time, however, was different. This time, you didn’t know when you’d get to hold his hand again. You flashed Loki a reassuring smile, and the two of you made your way to sneak out of the compound.

Though it was tedious, making sure that no one would notice you were gone, the two of you managed to make your way out of the compound in 10 minutes. Loki teleported the two of you to a small park, only 20 minutes away from the compound, and sat down on a park bench. The two of you talked the hour away as you watched the sun set, holding hands the entire time. Although you enjoyed every moment of the peaceful evening, you were also preoccupied through most of it. You wanted to tell Loki that you might not see him again for a couple of weeks, but you didn’t know how to bring it up. Especially because you didn’t know if he’d actually care. You kept pushing it off until you realized the hour was coming to a close and you needed to return to the compound.

“We should head back, we’re gonna be late,” you suggested softly. You stood up, keeping your fingers interlocked with Loki’s. He sighed and stood as well.

“I don’t get to see the sunset very often.” You turned your eyes to the horizon and observed the gradient of oranges, reds, pinks, and golds that stretched across the sky. “It’s beautiful,” Loki added, seemingly lost in thought. You nodded, taking a mental note.

“Maybe we’ll come here more often. How’s that sound?” You asked, looking up at Loki. He met your gaze.

“That sounds wonderful.” He answered with a gentle smile. He squeezed your hand, and you felt flutters in your stomach in response to the affection. In the blink of an eye, you were back by Loki’s cell. The illusions faded away and you approached the glass, hand in hand.

“Loki, I, uh… I might be missing out on the next couple of meetings. I have some other things I need to take care of.” You turned to Loki. He looked to the floor, almost as if he was disappointed. He took your other hand in his.

“What a shame.” His eyes met yours. “I suppose I’ll find other things to do,” He added with a smile. You nodded and released one of Loki’s hands before turning to punch in the code and open the cell, not concerned about covering the key pad this time. Loki stepped in the cell, however, he didn’t release your hand.

“I kinda… started to… enjoy… our meetings, Loki.”

“I enjoy them too,” Loki responded, squeezing your hand. Your felt your heart skip a beat, and you couldn’t stop a smile from growing on your face. Maybe you could tell him how you felt. Now seemed like the perfect time to. Just three words. You took a deep breath, throwing caution to the wind.

“I-“ You started to speak, but your phone interrupted you as it started to ring. You pulled it out from your pocket and saw that Steve was calling. You sighed. Maybe now wasn’t the time. It was probably for the best.

“You should go.” Loki said, drawing your attention back to him. “Will I see you soon?” You nodded.

“Of course.” You put your ringing phone back in your pocket and moved back to the keypad. “I’ll see you later, Loki.”

“I look forward to it.” Loki slowly released your hand, and although you didn’t want to, you closed the glass cell. You slowly turned to leave, still conflicted over whether you should say something or not. You pulled your phone back out of your pocket and stared at the screen as it stopped ringing and the ‘Missed Call from Steve’ notification appeared. You still wanted to say something, but you couldn’t help think about how Steve would react. You could almost hear the lecture Steve would give you if he found out you loved Loki. “Farewell, (Y/N).” Loki’s words pulled you out of your thoughts, back into the moment. You hated the finality of his words. Surely, you would see him again. This wasn’t goodbye. It couldn’t be. You wouldn’t let it be. You turned to Loki one last time to see him smiling. With a nod, you turned around again and headed out, calling Steve back so he wouldn’t hunt you down.

You really hoped this wasn’t goodbye.

_____ 

Three weeks. Three weeks had passed without a word. Loki had been keeping count since you left, waiting rather impatiently for your return. He had been mulling over a speech of sorts while he waited. A part of him didn’t want to admit it, but he wanted to be near you. He missed you… and he was beginning to think that maybe he… loved you. He wanted to tell you, to confess how he felt, in hopes that you would reciprocate the feeling. However, he became increasingly doubtful as the weeks went by without your visits. Every time the door opened, his heart pounded in hopes to see your smile again. Each time it was only to reveal a guard bringing in food, his heart sank.

When three weeks had gone by, he decided that he had enough. Something was wrong. Something had to be wrong. You hadn’t come by or sent a message or anything, and you promised you would see him soon. No one would tell him where you were, though. He just wanted to see the woman he loved, was that too much to ask for? 

After another guard brought in his dinner, he decided to seize the opportunity. He created an illusion of himself, asleep, and slipped out of his cell into the rest of the compound. He hoped you were here. His mind toyed with worst case scenarios, wondering if there was a possibility you had been hurt or captured. He did his best to ignore those thoughts though, trying to stay focused on finding you. All he knew was that he wanted to find you.

He just needed to see you again.


	5. Chapter 5

“Hey, how ya feelin’?” Steve asked as he walked into your room. You were laying in bed, checking social media, when he knocked on your door. 

“I’m alright, really,” you assured, carefully sitting up.

“You don’t seem like it,” he commented as he slowly sat on the side of your bed.

“I’m just sore, that’s all,” you said with a smile. You turned your phone off and set it beside you. “What’s up?” you asked as you set it down. Steve paused for a moment.

“I just wanted to let you know that we’re all really proud of you.” You scoffed. “No,” he insisted, “I’m serious! You really killed it out there. I mean, I wish it went as planned, but-“

“That’s not your fault, Steve,” you said as you shifted to sit beside him. Steve nodded.

“Yeah… Yeah, I know… but, nonetheless, you exceeded all of our expectations. I’m glad you’re here.” You smiled and hugged Steve, who gladly returned the affection. 

“I’m glad to be here,” you said as the two of you embraced. Eventually, you pulled away, a soft smile on both of your faces.

“I’m gonna be training in about a half an hour with some of the others, if you wanna join us,” Steve said, standing up.

“I might take you up on that,” you said as he walked toward the door.

“Well, I hope to see ya there then,” he said with a wink. He then walked out the door, but before he left the hallway, he backed up, popping his head around the door frame one last time. “I’m proud of you, (Y/N),” he added softly with a bright smile on his lips, as if you had forgotten about the first time he told you so. You smiled, a breathless chuckle escaping your lips.

“Thank you, Steve.” With that, he left, leaving you in the silence of your room. You sighed and fell backwards onto your bed, letting out a sigh.

The “short” mission you went on with the team was supposed to be quick and easy. You were supposed to help with sneaking into a building to get files on Hydra’s latest experiments. However, something wasn’t accounted for, and everything went to shambles. You and Tony, who were meant to sneak in and retrieve the files, were found out, while Steve and Clint had missed out on some of the agents that made it to you. In the end, you had to fend for yourself while downloading the files, and Steve, Clint, Tony, and Thor had to take care of anyone they could. Luckily, you made it out in time to meet with Nat, Wanda, Bruce, and Sam, who were at the opposite compound getting other information. Needless to say, you were a little beaten up afterwards. You were used to training with Steve and Bucky, but you had never tried to take on five people at once. So, you were sore, but you were okay. You didn’t mind your first mission being messy- at least it made for a couple of good stories.

But now, here you were, a week after the mission was done, and yet your mind was always elsewhere. And it scared you.

You mind was always on Loki.

It had been three weeks now since you last saw him. You kept count. Each day you were tempted to go see him. You would come down by his holding cell and watch the guard walk through the door with his meal, wishing that it was you. Your heart yearned for the happiness Wanda talked about the month before. You wanted someone to spend a long life with, someone to love, someone to remind you that you weren’t the freak your parents thought you were. 

You wanted him.

You turned your phone on again and mindlessly scrolled through your socials when you noticed a figure standing in your doorway. At first you thought it was Steve, coming back with something new to say, but as you looked away from your phone, you recognized your friend leaning against the door frame.

“Hey you,” you said casually, setting your phone down again. 

“Hey,” returned Wanda softly. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah, of course.” She came in and sat on the bed beside you as you turned to face her. The both of you sat, cross legged, on the bed in a few moments of silence before Wanda spoke.

“You haven’t seen him yet, have you?” She asked, tilting her head to the side. You averted your eyes to your hands as you fidgeted with the blanket you sat on. You shook your head. “You should.” You nodded.

“I know… I’m just… I’m scared,” you managed, glancing up at Wanda as you spoke. “How am I gonna tell him?”

“That he’s leaving, or that you love him?”

“Both.” Silence passed between you two as Wanda tried to think. You couldn’t admit how you felt just to tell Loki that he was being sent away, but at the same time you knew that if you never told him how you felt, you’d regret it for the rest of your life, wondering what could’ve happened if you just took the chance. And yet, what if he didn’t reciprocate your feelings? What if he was just using you, and you were only confirming his success? What if-

“Just go to him,” Wanda finally said, her voice pulling you away from your thoughts. “You’ll figure it out once you get there. Just go with your gut.”

“But-“

“I think it’s worth a shot.”

“And what would Tony and Steve say if they found out?” Wanda sighed.

“I think they’ll understand-“

“They don’t trust him!”

“Maybe you can give them reason to?”

“But… they won’t believe me.”

“(Y/N), don’t talk yourself out of it. Go see him. I’ll help you figure everything else out later, okay?” Wanda took your hands in hers. “You deserve to be happy.” A soft smile tugged at the corners of your lips.

“You really think so?” you asked in a playful tone, thankful to have Wanda as such a wonderful friend. She always seems to know what to say, to know you. Wanda started to giggle, and you couldn’t help but do the same.

“Of course I do, you idiot,” she said while she laughed, playfully shoving your arm. “Now go talk to him, yeah? I’ll cover for you in group training.” Wanda stood up, holding out a hand to help you up. You took her hand and got off the bed, sliding your phone in your back pocket. 

“Thank you Wanda, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Live a sad, boring life, probably,” she joked as she pulled you into a hug. You laughed and hugged her back, give her an extra squeeze.

“Right,” you replied with a smile, pulling away before Wanda walked to the door.

“Tell me how it goes, yeah?” She asked, turning to face you.

“Definitely. See ya.”

“Good luck,” Wanda said as she left. 

You walked over to a mirror, a soft smile still on your face, to check your appearance. You looked a lot worse than you felt. Your body was riddled with small bruises, cuts, and scars. You brushed your fingers through your hair before constructing an illusion to cover up all the blemishes, not wanting Loki to see them. Once you were happy with how your skin looked, you took a deep breath and headed to his cell.

You were careful to avoid the other teammates, just in case someone questioned you. It wasn’t hard, though. Tony and Bruce tended to be in the lab, Clint was visiting family with Natasha, Sam was usually snacking, Stephen liked to read when he came to the compound, and everyone else was probably training by now. 

You came to a big open room with window walls on either side of you. It was one of the best parts of the compound, showing off the building and the area around it. It was the link between wings, so you passed through it while heading toward the cell Loki was kept in. You slowed for a moment, admiring the horizon, when you heard quick, heavy footsteps. You froze, your mind reeling to try and find an excuse as to why you were going to the west wing. Your heart pounded in your chest as the footsteps came increasingly closer. Soon, they would round the corner. You mentally pleaded with any higher power listening that you wouldn’t be found out. Not now. You were nervous to see who was coming around, and yet you refused to take your eyes off the hallway they were coming through. The moments seemed to drag by as suspense built within you. Any second now, they would come around the corner. With a deep, shaky breath, you watched their shadow grow on the floor, revealing their rapid approach. A figure finally came around the corner, and your eyes immediately met. 

Your breath stopped short.

Your eyes widened.

Your mouth slowly opened.

“Loki?” you asked in a soft whisper, taking a step toward him. He had frozen in shock as well after he realized you were standing before him.

“(Y/N),” he responded, almost in disbelief. Though there was a moment of hesitation from both parties, the two of you took wide strides to close the gap. “You’re alright,” he commented as the two of you stood mere inches apart. He gently lifted his hand, his fingertips ghosting your arm as his eyes bore into yours. You wanted to hold his hand, to hold him, anything; but you felt his fear of showing affection and decided to hold back for now.

“How did you get out of your cell?” you asked, looking him up and down as if making sure every bit of him was present.

“I have my ways,” he said offhandedly, wanting to keep the conversation off of him. “Is everything okay?”

“I…” You took a breath. You wanted to tell him everything. What you had been doing for the past month, how much you missed him, how you felt about him overall, everything. But you couldn’t. Not now. “We need to get you back to your cell before anyone sees you.”

“(Y/N)-“

“We’ll talk when we get there, I promise. Let’s go.” 

Loki, though reluctant, sighed and nodded, following you. You cloaked him so no one else could see him (even though you knew full well he could do that on his own) and ordered him to stay close. You grabbed his hand, holding on tight, and guided him back to his cell. When you approached the guards, you let go of his hand and walked toward the doorway, trying to relax. Loki rested his hand on the small of your back as he stood close, letting you know that he was still there. You swallowed, pushing down the butterflies as you approached the door. The guard to the left nodded as you punched in the code and entered the room. As soon as the door behind you closed, you took away the illusion, and Loki’s clone in the cell faded. You turned to face him. You took a breath. Despite your better judgement and every part of your conscious screaming not to do it, you wordlessly wrapped your arms around him, burying your face in his chest. You started to nervously tremble as you waited for a response.

You expected him to freeze.

You expected him to push you away.

You expected to regret it. 

You expected this all to be a mistake;

But

He didn’t freeze.

He didn’t pull away.

Almost immediately, his arms wrapped around you and held you tight. You breathed a sigh of relief as your mind relaxed. However, you could only rest in this moment for a few seconds before your mind went back to what you had come to do.

You had to tell him. The only question was, what would you say first? You figured whichever one was easiest… but… which one was easiest?

“Loki…” You felt his chest buzz as he hummed in response. You took a deep breath and forced the words out. “You’re going back to Asgard,” you managed as you looked up at him.

“I know-“

“No, Loki, really.” You pulled away a bit, keeping your arms around him. In the midst of feeling upset about him leaving in the first place, you began to feel frustration. He didn’t seem to understand. His hands slid to your hips. His brows furrowed. You took a breath. “Thor is going to take you back-“

“-I know-“

“-and lock you up and who knows-“

“-(Y/N)-“

“-if I’ll ever get to see you again-“

“-(Y/N)-“

“-and I don’t know what I’d do-“

“-hey-“

“-if I lost you-“

“-Hey.” Loki reiterated firmly, finally stopping you in your tracks. His grip on your hips tightened, and you could see the mix of concern and surprise in his eyes. At this point, your eyes were filled to the brim with tears as your heart raced. 

“I-“ You stopped to swallow, choking up. “I can’t lose you.” Loki lifted a hand to cup your cheek as his other arm wrapped around to the small of your back. Now was your chance. You had to tell him. You could tell him, because he felt the same way. This would work. Everything would be fine. You could do this. “Loki…” His hand slowly moved to the bottom of your chin, and he gently lifted your chin closer to his. Your eyes slid shut as your faces closed the gap between the two of you. “I,” you whispered, your lips mere centimeters away from his. “I-“

“Back off, L’Oréal.” Tony’s stern voice echoed in as the doors to the room slid open. You snapped away from Loki, but he kept his arm around your waist. You slid one arm around him and held your other hand up in front of you in defense.

“Wait, Steve-“

“(Y/F/N), you have some explaining to do.” Steve glared at you, reaching for your outstretched hand and pulling you away from Loki.

“Please-“ you tried to plead as Tony opened the cell and ordered Loki back inside, “please don’t, just let me explain!” Loki did as he was told without question, glancing at you the whole time as a subtle way of trying to protect you.

“Conference Room. Now,” Steve ordered, marching out of the room. You turned to Loki. “I’ll be back. I promise.” You looked at him desperately as he nodded, emotion draining from his face. The door to the cell slid shut.

“Like hell you will,” Tony retorted as you left the room. You ignored his comment and chased after Steve.

_____

“Steve wait! Please!” You called out, running up to him. You managed to catch up to him in the large room were you met Loki before. On the West and East sides of the room were halls to the respective wings of the compound, and the North and South walls were purely made of window. Steve stopped in his tracks in the middle of the room, pivoting on his heel to face you.

“I knew you were hiding something-“

“-Steve-“

“-but I didn’t think it would be this.” You looked to the floor to gather yourself. Although you loved Loki more than anything, you also loved Steve. He cared about you, protected you, took care of you; and you cared about him. The very idea of him being disappointed in you made your gut burn in pain and your eyes water.

“I… I’m sorry, Steve. I didn’t think you would understand.”

“Oh, I think I understand completely,” he snapped sarcastically. You sighed.

“He’s not what you think-“

“Can’t you see he’s manipulating you? If he can’t tear us apart from the inside, he’ll have you do it for him- and you’re just letting him do it!”

“He’s not like that-“

“You really expect me to go with a line like that?”

“What, you trust me to be on the team, but you can’t trust me with this?”

“Not when it’s his job to get inside people’s heads.” Steve put his hands on your shoulders. “He’s tried to kill you, (Y/N). He’s tried to kill thousands of people. He’s not the person you want him to be.” You sighed as your shoulders sank, feeling defeated.

“Just… I… Just give him a chance. Please,” you pleaded softly as the tears welled in your eyes began to roll down your heated cheeks. Steve’s eyes moved to the windows as his expression softened. “I’ll pay the price for this, just leave him be.” Steve nodded, glancing to the floor.

“I trust you, (Y/N). I do. I just want to take care of you.”

“You have been,” you reassured, putting your hand on his arm as his hands still pressed down on your shoulders. Steve finally turned his eyes from the massive window wall to look at you as he wiped the tears from your face. Steve softly smiled at you, put you could see pain still behind his eyes. You figured it was because he didn’t like the situation. He didn’t like Loki, and he didn’t like putting his team in danger; but you felt that he trusted you. You hoped that he would give you time and open up to Loki.

“I suppose I can’t control who you love,” Steve said, almost in a distant tone as his eyes wandered back to the window. You wondered if he was looking at something, but as you were about to turn around to see for yourself, he brought you in for a hug. As his strong arms pulled you in, making you feel safe as you rested your head on his shoulder. You couldn’t even begin to express how much Steve meant to you. He was a mentor and father figure you never thought you’d have, and you knew you were so lucky to have him in your life, to have him take care of you the way he has.

“I’m so sorry, (Y/N),” Steve said low as he gave you a squeeze. Just as you were about to assure him that all was well, he spoke again. “But…” A long pause. You brows furrowed in confusion. You wanted to pull away, but his arms stayed tight around you. “This is for the best.” Steve finally pulled away, and you looked at him, perplexed.

“What… What do you mean?” Steve glanced out the window again. You turned around, and immediately your eyes widened and your mouth dropped in horror. “No!!!” You screamed, running to the window and pressing your palms to the glass.

Outside, Thor walked out to the open space of the lawn. Behind him, chained up and muzzled, walked Loki. By the building stood Tony and some of the other teammates. Both his face and Thor’s were devoid of emotion. Loki’s eyes shifted to you as he continued to follow Thor. Pain swept across his features as you continued to scream, banging on the window, begging Thor to stop. Thor forced his eyes forward and continued to walk, not wanting to see the pain you were in. You looked to your left to see an exit door, and you made a b-line for it.

“(Y/N)!!!” Steve yelled as you whipped open the door. He chased after you as you ran out to the lawn.

“Stop!!! Wait!!! Please!!!” you wailed, running to Loki as fast as you could while thick tears streamed down your face. Loki watched you as his eyes started to well. He couldn’t do anything but follow orders. He was helpless. You made it only a couple yards before Steve caught up to you. He grabbed you, wrapping his arms all the way around you, and planted himself in place while you writhed, desperate to get to Loki. Thor looked up to the sky, telling Heimdall to open the Bifrost. “Loki!!!” You screamed one last time. You couldn’t do anything but watch. You were helpless.

“(Y/N),” Loki’s voice echoed in your head as the two of you locked eyes. You stopped fighting Steve and went almost limp, the only thing holding you up from collapsing to the ground being Steve’s grasp on you. “I love you.” As soon as his voice faded, the shooting column of light came from the sky, and Thor and Loki disappeared. 

When the light faded, leaving the familiar burned remnant of the Bifrost in the grass, a heavy moment of silence fell. 

All was still. 

He was gone.

You tore yourself from Steve’s grasp and fell on your knees, letting out a gut-wrenching scream. You entire body trembled, almost as if it didn’t know what to do with the pure agony you felt. Chest heaving, you rose to your feet. Steve put a hand on your shoulder.

“(Y/N), I’m sor-“ you ripped his hand off of your shoulder and stormed away, swallowing hard in attempt to keep the sobs from escaping your lips. Steve followed until you broke out in a full sprint into the compound. You slammed the door shut and cloaked yourself so no one could see you or follow you before running all the way to your quarters.

You closed the door and locked it behind you before planting yourself into your bed as the sobs finally ripped their way out of your throat. 

And you just cried.

And cried.

And cried.

You went from sobbing, to laying in silence as your body shook and tears continued to fall, to yelling in rage, to sitting in the corner and weeping softly, and on and on. You stayed in your room for the rest of the day. You knew teammates had come to your room to try and check on you, but you didn’t remember who came and when. You blocked the outside world out, lost in the pain. 

You cried yourself to sleep that night. You would dream of Loki, only to wake up in the middle of the night, realize he was gone, and cry until you drifted off to sleep again.

Your one chance at that happy ending you always dreamt of was gone, and who knows if you’d ever get to see him again.

_____

Eventually the sun rose, and you woke up from a dreamless few hours of sleep to see that the next day had finally come. You laid in your bed and stared at the ceiling, feeling numb. You wanted to cry, but the tears had run out long ago. You weren’t sure how long you had laid there- it felt like it could have been just a couple of hours, or it could have been all day. Your stomach growled and your mouth was dry, which eventually helped you convince yourself to get up. You turned over and reached for your phone, turning it on. Your answer was somewhere in between- it was just after 4:00 in the afternoon, so, most of the day you spent in your room. Your notifications were flooded with missed calls, left voicemails, worried text messages, sympathetic text messages, and just about everything in between. Taking a deep breath, you set your phone back down on the night stand, preparing yourself to face the world. 

As you lifted your hand from your phone, your fingers brushed against something smooth. You finally turned to look at your nightstand to see a small, black box sitting there. A gold ribbon was pristinely wrapped around the small box, and a small gold card was tied into the bow. You opened the miniature card to see a small note written in neat cursive. It read:

“(Y/N),

I will always be with you.

Loki”

You felt a familiar lump in your throat climb up as you carefully untied the ribbon, setting it and the note down on your nightstand. Hesitantly, you opened the box. Inside laid a simple necklace. A small, pure white pearl on a sparkling gold chain. You gently took the necklace out of the box and put it around your neck before walking over to the full-length mirror, gazing at it; admiring the one piece of him you could keep with you.

You tucked it under your shirt, took a deep breath, and opened the door before heading to the kitchen. You fixed yourself up some food before sitting down and enjoying the silence of the room, thankful that no one from the team had seen you yet. You hoped that they were in a meeting or gone for some mission or something- you didn’t want to talk about anything yet, you just wanted to sort your thoughts out and have some time to yourself. When you finished, you took care of your dishes, and promptly headed back to your room. You showered and changed into some lighter clothes before heading to the gym. You made it out of your room and out of the living quarters’ hall before running into someone- just as you hoped you wouldn’t.

Wanda saw you walking by the main living room and immediately stood up.

“(Y/N),” she said softly, walking up to you as you stopped, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know-“

“That it wouldn’t work? That I’d screw up?” You jumped to the defensive, still upset about what happened the day before.

“I just wanted to help you… so you could be happy,“ she said, her voice diminishing to a tone just above a whisper as she spoke.

“Yeah, well how did that go? How has that been going for anybody?!” Your voice raised with each word until you were nearly yelling. As soon as you stopped, you felt a pang in your heart. Wanda’s eyes started to water. She already felt bad about what happened, and you knew that, but guilt-tripping only made it worse. You felt the guilt rise in your chest. You didn’t mean to hurt her, you were just upset. You took a couple of deep breaths as the two of you stood in silence, trying not to cry.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered low.

“Maybe…” You paused, taking a shaky breath, still trying to hold in a cry before speaking firmly. “Maybe you all should stop trying to help me and-and just-… just let me screw up on my own!” You paused again, lowering your voice to just above a whisper. “At least then I wouldn’t have to be in so much pain.” Wanda sat down on a chair in defeat as you turned around to leave. When you turned, you were met with Steve, Tony, Bucky, and Clint. Sam, Vision, Natasha, Thor, and Bruce followed behind. They all just got out of a meeting. You averted your eyes to the ground and pushed past them, walking briskly to the gym.

_____

“Mind if I join you?” Wanda’s voice echoed between the pounds of your fist as you hit the black punching bag in front of you. You caught the punching bag as it swung back towards you and looked over your shoulder to see her standing in the doorway, gear in hand. It had been a couple of days since Loki was taken to Asgard, and you were still pretty keen on avoiding people; but it was Wanda. Despite everything that had happened so far, she was still your best friend here. Breathless, you nodded before reaching for your water bottle and downing half of it. You changed out your gear while Wanda put hers on, and the two of you met over by the mats.

The two of you stretched and did some easy exercises so she could warm up and you could cool down. Meanwhile, she updated you on how everyone on the team was doing, how they felt, and what little she knew about Loki’s situation. He wasn’t put in a jail cell, as promised, but he was locked in a room in a distant wing of the palace. He was only allowed to leave twice a week, with restrictions on where he could go, along with eyes on him 24/7. You had hoped that Loki had the common sense not to pull anything, but even if he tried to do something stupid, you felt that the precautions were overkill. 

“He’s okay, and that’s all that matters,” Wanda reminded you after you vented your thoughts. You nodded as the two of you got up and started to sprawl. Normally when you sprawled, you took it seriously, focusing on training. However, this time, it wasn’t about the training. You both knew that. The two of you focused more on bonding that anything. Your footwork was sloppy, you wound up punches, you forgot about proper breathing (a lot); needless to say, Natasha would be picking out something wrong with your technique and deliveries every other second. After a fifteen-minute round, the two of you took a break, slouching on a bench against the wall.

“So how have you been, really?” Wanda asked as she sat beside you. You shrugged.

“I’m not dead, so… that’s gotta count for something,” you joked with a soft smile. Wanda rolled her eyes, waiting for a serious answer. You looked over to her, shifting your position so you could face her. “I miss him,” you finally admitted (though it wasn’t a surprise to anyone), mindlessly playing with the necklace Loki gave you. It had become a habit; every time you thought of him, your hand subconsciously went to the necklace. “I’m not even sure if I want my ‘happy ending’ anymore- if it’s even worth it to try. I just…” You stopped, searching for the right words. “I didn’t… I didn’t even get to tell him I love him,” you murmured, almost inaudibly. Wanda put a hand on your back as she listened. You cleared your throat, almost as a way of snapping yourself out of it. “He gave me this,” you said, glancing down at the necklace and showing it to Wanda. “He left it on my nightstand with a note.” You dropped your hand from the necklace and put it on the bench to prop yourself up.

“What did the note say?”

“It just said ‘I will always be with you.’”

“Do you think it means something?” You looked at Wanda, puzzled.

“I… I don’t… follow-“

“Something other than what it says?”

“What, do you think he has some elaborate plan? Like he was planning on being taken back to Asgard?”

“I’m not saying that, I’m just wondering if there’s a possibility that it meant something else. Besides, I thought you said he knew about being taken to Asgard.”

“He did, but…” You paused, looking to the floor, lost in thought at this point. Did he mean something by it? Why did he get you a gift? Not only why, but how?

“When did he give it to you?”

“I… I don’t know…” You furrowed your brows in thought. “When I woke up the next day, it was just there.”

“So how did he leave it there?” The ghost of a smirk played on Wanda’s lips. You looked back up at her, eyes widening in realization.

“He didn’t.”

“Now you’re thinking.”

“But who would’ve…” Your mind reeled with possibilities.

“So whoever it was got it after the fact, and delivered it to your room.”

“But it was Loki’s handwrit-…” You mouth dropped. Wanda smiled. “Oh my god…”

“So…?” Wanda leaned forward, edging you on. Loki’s handwriting. So, it was Loki’s idea. Left on your nightstand the day after he was gone. So, he couldn’t deliver it to you personally. It had to be someone that wasn’t completely against the idea of you and Loki being together, otherwise it would’ve never gotten to you in the first place. So who the hell would it be?

“Thor.”


	6. Chapter 6

A couple of days later, you had talked to Thor, who soon admitted to his hand playing a factor in Loki’s gift. After weeks of talking it through, you realized that the necklace really was meant to be Loki’s parting gift. He hadn’t planned on seeing you again, despite your hopes. Little did you know, his leaving you was a relief for him. He wanted the distance. For your safety. 

Thor would then act as your messenger, updating Loki on your whereabouts on earth and anything else you wanted to tell him. Loki wouldn’t really send any message in return though. It was usually just a short response, and he’d walk away. You had yet to be told ‘I love you’ again, even though you would tell him every day if you could. Maybe something was wrong? Maybe… Maybe he lost interest? You wanted to see him. Just to confirm, if nothing else. If Loki wanted nothing more of you… Even if it hurt… You just wanted to hear it yourself.

Though it took a lot of convincing, Thor agreed to meeting you early in the morning a little over 5 months after Loki had been taken back to Asgard. The rest of the team was doing their own thing for the day, so you should be able to go undetected. You were both sitting in a meeting room eating breakfast. The sun had yet to rise.

“Let me remind you that this is your only chance. I don’t know what his plan is, but if he wants to stay…” Thor gently grabs your hand, pulling you from your silent daydream. “I can’t do anything for you afterwards.”

“I know… Thank you.”

“Of course.” He lets out a long breath. “I know-… I hope that Jane would want the same, were she in your position.” He stands, signaling its time to leave. You nod.

“I know she would.” The sun is just starting the peek over the horizon. You grab your duffle bag, standing to follow. The two of you walk out to the lawn, standing on the same spot Loki stood before he was taken from you weeks before. Thor looked up, calling out to Heimdall, and for a moment, you second-guessed yourself. What were you doing? How would the team react when you finally returned? Would Loki even want to see you? No matter what, it’s too late now. Light engulfs the two of you as you’re taken to Asgard. You follow Thor’s lead, stepping out to see a tall man standing in the middle of the room, covered in ornate gold armor. 

“He’ll know she’s here.” His voice booms in the room. This must be Heimdall.

“He won’t,” Thor replies, already heading towards the bridge, “I assure you.” You follow his pull, immediately getting lost in the place around you. The bridge beneath your feet appears to be all glass, with rainbows shooting through an infinite sea of small fractals of- what, energy? Rainbows? Magic? Either way, it’s beautiful. Especially in contrast to the dark space surrounding you.

But the city itself- that is a different view entirely.

A city of gold.

Massive towers and buildings surround a massive triangular palace. Mountains fill in the background, and green trees fill in the gaps of the foreground. Everything seems to sparkle in the bright light of the sunrise. Thor must’ve noticed your gawking, since your pace dragged.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” He asked with a soft smile. His demeanor seems more relaxed now.

“Very… No wonder being sent to Midgard is a punishment.” Thor laughs.

“I assure you, Midgard is still beautiful, in its own way.” You nod, but frankly, you don’t really agree.

As the two of you walk into Asgard and through the palace, Thor explains where Loki has been held. He’s just been in a bedroom, rather than a cell, which is a relief to you. He deserves to be treated better. He seems content with his situation, but apparently he’s been… distant. Maybe you can fix that.

You and Thor began to walk down the hallway where Loki’s current prison was. Thor walked in front of you and greeted Loki long before you reached the door. You didn’t see him, he must’ve been in a different part of the room.

“Hello, brother,” Thor said quietly, standing right in the doorway. Two guards stood on either side of the cell, and some kind of gold film seemed to cover the doorway. That must’ve been what was keeping him inside. Thor waved off the guards, and they left the hallway, disappearing into some other part of the massive palace.

“Hello.” You heard Loki walking, then stop. You still couldn’t see him. “How…”

“She’s fine.” A pause.

“Did she… say anything?” Loki whispered. Thor nodded.

“She wanted to tell you herself.” Thor steps to the side, and you take a step forward. You lock eyes with Loki. He freezes as you practically run up to the doorway.

“Y/N, what… what are you doing here?”

“I needed to see you,” you reply softly, holding back tears.

Loki stands to one side of the doorway, his posture lacking the poise he normally carries. His hair is long, much longer than you remember it being. It’s messy and unstyled. His clothes are casual, still green, still nice, but nowhere near the caliber of his typical outfits. Frankly… he’s a mess. His eyes are slightly glazed over as tears start to brim them, but suddenly his expression hardens.

“You shouldn’t be here,” he said coolly.

“And neither should you.”

“I’m going to leave you two be. Y/N?” You turn to Thor. He nods. “If you need anything, come find me in the common room. One of the guards at the other end of the hall will escort you there.” You nod and whisper a ‘thank you’ before he walks away.

As you turn back to him, you see his eyes are on your necklace. The one he left you. The one you’ve worn every second of every day since he was taken. You glance down at it, rolling the pearl between your fingers.

“I kept it… I haven’t taken it off.” He nods. Your hand falls to your side. “I know you don’t want to talk to me… I just…” You take a deep breath, shifting your gaze to the shining floor. “If you don’t want anything to do with me anymore, then I’d like you to tell me so. Because it hurts…” Another beat of silence. “I love you, Loki.” You look back up at him. His expression has softened once more, a barely-there tear rolling down his cheek. “If you don’t…” you stop, choking in the lump in your throat. You really shouldn’t have come here. Loki mumbles something as tears start to fall from your face. “Hmm?”

“I do… I still love you.”

“Then…” You sniffle, wiping a tear away from your cheek. “Why would you…”

“I’m trying to keep you safe, Y/N, don’t you see that?”

“I know the battle in New York wasn’t you. I can help you free yourself from him. Here, let me in,” you add, reaching for the panel to try to bring down the barrier between you.

“No, no, It’s not just him. It’s…” He sighs. “I’m not Asgardian,” he whispers. He lifts his hand and presses it to the barrier, reminding you of the first time you met Loki. Confused, tired, unsure of who you are, and scared. Now, you had a feeling Loki was in that same position. You continued fiddling with the panel beside you, hoping to open it.

You place your hand on the golden film, overlapping his. A soft golden glow emanates on the barrier from your touch. 

Finally, after all this time of waiting, it happened. 

Loki finally drops his illusion. 

A blue tint runs from his hand up to his neck, quickly covering the rest of his body. His eyes turn a deep red as raised patterns appear on his skin.

He’s a Jotun.

His skin is chilled, but his hands are as soft as you rememb- wait, his skin?

Loki jerks his hand away, eyes wide in fear. You deactivated the barrier. You thought you couldn’t touch frost giants… but…

He turns and tries to rush away, but you reach out and grab his arm. You step into the room and pull Loki into a hug. 

Slowly,

Hesitantly,

Loki reciprocates.

His arms wrap around you.

You both cry.

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

You wake up to gentle scarlet light trickling in the windows of the golden bedroom. You hear soft breathing from behind you and realize Loki’s arms are still wrapped around you, his skin back to its usual hue. You turn around to meet Loki’s sleepy gaze, a soft smile seemingly ever-present on his lips. One of his hands move up from the small of your back to the back of your head, laying your head on his chest. You take a deep breath, his signature cologne filling your senses. 

You let your mind settle on the moments before you fell asleep like this. You and Loki talked about, well, everything. His pain of feeling like he lost his own identity and trying to find a new one; the struggle being under the control of some powerful being named Thanos; the guilt surrounding all he had done in anger and being controlled; even the blessing of meeting you. You talked about parts of your life you had just remembered; how it felt to be one of the Avengers; how much you had already fallen in love with Asgard; how much you already loved him. A pouring out between the two of you, heart to heart, person to person. You met with Thor, who promised to go back to the compound to speak with Steve and Tony, letting them know that Loki can be trusted, and maybe, if Loki wanted to, he could help the team. Thor went back to Midgard while you and Loki stayed back. Drained, both physically and emotionally, you decided to get some sleep. Just sleep- though, admittedly, you had hoped it would’ve been a little more. Maybe next time.

And now here you were, tangled up with each other in bed. “Did you sleep well, darling?” Loki asked, his morning voice deep and raspy.

“Very. You?”

“Oh, perfectly. We should do this more often,” he said low with a smile. You laughed and nodded.

“I’d like that.”

Eventually, the two of you got out of bed. Loki put on his normal green and gold robes and armor, and some maids brought you a fine embroidered green Asgardian dress. Though it seemed unnecessary, you wouldn’t complain. It was gorgeous- it was made of a simple forest green fabric with olive green flowers stitched in from the hem to the collar. Frilled sleeves danced around your wrists, and black tulle filled out the skirt to give you a ballgown silhouette. You step out from behind the room divider, admiring the dress in the mirror. The golden pearl necklace still hung around your neck. Loki makes his way across the room to meet you, his hands wrapping around your waist and resting on your lower stomach.

“Beautiful,” he whispers in your ear. You smile. So is he. “We don’t leave for a while…” He waves off the handmaidens, who quietly leave the room and shut the door. “How about we pass the time?” He lifts his hand and the room turns to gold, lit only by candlelight and the sunrise. He holds out his hand as an invisible orchestra fills the room.

“A dance?”

“Just until you can experience a real Asgardian ball.” You nod, still smiling, and take his hand, and the two of you dance around the room in a gentle waltz.

You could’ve passed the whole day in there, with him, but everyone must wake up from their dream eventually. A guard knocks at the door. The music stops.

You take a deep breath.

You follow Thor away from the city of gold, crossing the bridge of magic and light.

Back to Midgard it is.

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

The conversation that took place upon your return was not pleasant, to say the least. There was lots of yelling and anger- Loki couldn’t even enter the room until hours later. You reminded Steve and Tony why the interviews started in the first place, and they reminded you that falling in love was an unnecessary part of that plan. The “deliberation” went on for days, but after heavy questioning, inane fighting, and long discussion… they agreed.

Loki is on the team.

The first mission? Taking out Thanos before he can do any more damage to the galaxy. Thanks to Loki, you knew where to find him and how to take him out, and by the sound of it, he isn’t powerful enough to stop the entirety of the team.

You and Loki shared a room, since there “really aren’t any more,” according the Thor. Loki seemed… nervous? He sat on the bed, his elbows resting on his knees while his hands clasped together. He had a blank stare. 

“You alright, love?” You sit beside him. He nods, snapping out of his thoughts.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He takes a deep breath.

“I know it can be scary to face him again-“

“What if he wins again? And I hurt someone? What if I hurt you?”

“Loki,” you take his hands in yours as he turns his body to face you, “you’re going to be okay. We’ll make sure nothing happens to you. I promise.” His hands lift up to hold your face, and his lips are against yours. You’re surprised, yes, but honestly? It’s about time. Just as you settle into the kiss, he pulls away.

“Just in case,” he mutters. You shake your head, pulling him in for another kiss. Deeper. Longer. Your fingers tangle in his hair, gently pulling. A soft moan escapes his throat. Noted. His hand runs up your thigh, dangerously close. You pull away, out of breath.

“We’re finishing this later. Promise?” You hold out your pinky. He smiles.

“I haven’t made one of these promises in decades…” You lift an eyebrow, and a soft chuckle tumbles from his lips. “Alright,” his pinky wraps around yours, “I promise.”

“Hey, games and illusions!” You both jump and turn to the door to see Tony, impatiently tapping on the doorframe. “Hurry it up,” he urges, walking away. “We’re heading in 5,” he called out as he left.

“Coming!” You responded, giving Loki one last kiss on the cheek before standing up, grabbing his hand, and leading him to the ship loading dock.

At this point, you didn’t care about who you were before the Avengers, much less how long your work with the team would last. Life hadn’t been kind to either of you. There was no changing that.

The only thing that mattered now was that Loki was here. Whatever life you would live now, you would be content with, as long as he was in it.

Besides, the universe had hell to pay.


End file.
